Hey ladies ;)

I have explosive diarrhoea. I think there's a bug going round, or maybe it could be that I drank a whole bottle of whiskey last night. The thing is, I feel like I've eaten an entire box of Whiskas last night. My question is;

WHY THE FUCK IS THE TOILET THE ROOM WITH THE BEST ACOUSTICS IN THE HOUSE? I live in a bone-quiet place full of crashing bores who actually prefer reading to cool stuff like listening to music or watching telly. The only sound I hear is my mum leafing through her Maeve Binchy garbage, so I'm pretty sure that she can also hear me when I'm defecating. Thunderously. It sounded like I was trying to get the last dregs of Fairy Liquid out of a bottle, only with massive reverb. I suppose I could've pretended I was washing the dishes in there, and flushed them down the lavatory after I'd finished.

Oh yeah, and I was there so long that I started brushing my teeth whilst shitting. Who says men can't multi-task? Well, me for one, cos I drooled a big load of toothpaste right into the arse of my pants. Good news for me in a way, cos now my bottom is minty fresh, but my mum's gonna think something's up when she sees white stains in the back of my pants.

LOL

you are fucked up....... you really are

I blame the parents.

is that what the psychiatrist said?

What's your dad up to these days ? Snow Patrol days are over

You're a very witty guy and a good writer. You could make a living from these qualities (and also the drawing). It would take a lot of administrative application and self-discipline, mind. You'd require those qualities as well.

alecs wrote:

What's your dad up to these days ? Snow Patrol days are over

LOL! I'd forgotten about that. Not sure what my dad listens to nowadays, but I know that what he expects me to listen to is his endless gasbagging about the importance of employment. I'll get a job when I FUCKING WELL FEEL LIKE IT. If he thinks that's a bad attitude, it's his fault for being such a mediocre father. He SHOULD'VE GONE TO FUCKING SPECSAVERS!!!! There, I said it.

Fuckpencil wrote:

You're a very witty guy and a good writer. You could make a living from these qualities (and also the drawing). It would take a lot of administrative application and self-discipline, mind. You'd require those qualities as well.

That's very kind of you to say, but as you've probably guessed, I haven't an ounce of the latter qualities. Also, I'm not quite sure who in their right minds would pay me to hear about my diarrhoea.

you should combine your skills of writing and sketching and make a comicbook...

I think my humour is a bit too puerile, even for comics. Unleeeess.....how about a superhero....with diarrhoea??? The most useless superhero of all-time! Diarrhoea's so debilitating, it's a wonder it isn't used more in warfare. Give the enemy diarrhoea. Literally. Fill loads of water balloons with the stuff. I'm pretty sure I'd be more scared of that than a real bomb.

I was at a comicbook festival (fastival, Jason, not convention!!!) and a lot of the comics there were about toilet humour and stupid things... and they were much less enteraining than what I just read.... maybe it's just Israelis, though, that enjoy these comicbooks...