ORANGE DILEMMA

One day last week, I was squeezing my peenus to a Steely Dan tune when I suddenly thought: WOULD I MAKE WILLIAM OF ORANGE COME BACK TO LIFE, OR KILL JASON ORANGE? It's a dilemma that has plagued my brain ever since, and I want YOU to make my mind up for me.

There is an undeniable ghoulish appeal to reanimating corpses. It would be fascinating, terrifying and hilarious in equal measure to see someone who used to be a king stagger around like a common drunk, totally disorientated, going 'mmuuhh' and looking at things really closely trying to figure them out. Of course, as William has been dead since the beginning of the 18th century, he probably doesn't have much eyes left by now, considerably less than two I'd imagine, so he'd have to look at things REALLY closely. It would be a massive scientific breakthrough, but [mueslisandalsbeard]would it be morally right?[/barmyloonyleftguardian]

I should point out that I oppose the death penalty under any circumstances. Well, unless they've done something really serious, like stealing apples. Chisel-jawed 90s pop sensation Jason Orange probably deserves this brutal form of justice less than your average wanker. He can probably be counted as an accessory to the murder of music, but no more than that. Even HOWARD DONALD got to sing lead vocals on a Take That single, and he genuinely sounds like a legit mong. All poor Jason got to do was spin around on his head, and you can barely hear that on the records. It would be a grotesque miscarriage of justice if this sweet young gaylord was sent to his grave for no other reason than this WTV poll.

However, YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE. Which do you think would give you the most pleasure? Both events would be televised. The return of the Ulster Unionists' poster boy would be an earth-shattering event. But look deep in your soul and ask yourself this; could you genuinely pass up the opportunity to see Jason Orange having his tearful pleas for absolution being silenced by a sudden jolt of electricity through his body? Think about it. Steam might come out of his ears. His eyes might spin around like a fruit machine, settling on two oranges and coins might come flying out of his mouth. I'm not trying to swing the vote, but YOU WOULD GET TO SEE A MEMBER OF TAKE THAT SHIT HIMSELF LIVE ON TELLY.

It's your choice.

Quite an apt thread considering I'd just prepared an orange.

tears of joy and mirth.

I'd go with the orange homunculus.

Sorry Bryn, Zombie Monarch ftw.

I voted undecided. This thought has genuinely been popping into my mind sporadically over the last few days and I just can't make my mind up. Who is the cold-blooded boyband killer in our midst?

Gary Barlow, reveal thyself.

but not in that way

If William of Orange came back to life, would he make any claims on the throne?

i reckon any appeal deadline would have long since expired. having said that, i'm a little rusty on my monarchy by laws and i'm fairly sure there's no precedent.

ginwai wrote:

Gary Barlow, reveal thyself.

lolol

For more bloodthirsty capital punishment japes, I advise you to check out a Facebook group called 'get that sad b*****d ian huntley off facebook', predictably crammed with illiterate, barbaric polemic from lovely caring parents. The most sensible thing I read on there was something like 'brign bak the eletrick chare'.

Spoiler:

William III would decapitate Elizabeth II, claim the throne and 'G0D Save The Zombie' would be the new national anthem.

But, guys! Jason Orange, pooing himself! There'd be microphones by his bum and everything!

There was that time that Henry VIII was ressurected by accident....it was a right carrion...

tiredhippo wrote:

There was that time that Henry VIII was ressurected by accident....it was a right carrion...

I must admit, that did raise a slight smirk.

ginwai wrote:

Gary Barlow, reveal thyself.

Watched the Take That Star Stories last night, first one I'd ever seen. Chucklesome indeed.

Charlie Brooker, The Wire, Star Stories - what can I be late on the bandwagon for next?!

Summer Heights High?

you should really get the Star Stories DVD. ees ver' good.

Tink, you should watch The Fall Guy.

RYT EVERYBODEH

I'm off for a while but when I return I expect this place to be deserted in time for the weekend. However:

id print out hundreds of copies of that and hand them out on the street over the weekend, but i cant because ill be on here.

you spent all afternoon knocking that one up, didn't you?

Elprawn's jumped in ahead of me in regards to Ace.

I've been sent to the back of the queue.

Probably because you wear Ben Sherman.

I don't wear Ben Sherman, I just would very much like to wear some of their clobber. I'm far, far too poor to wanna fork out 20 odd quid on a tee shirt, or forty plus on a shirt! Am NOT made of money, thank you very much.

Women and fashion though, no pleasin' them at all!

There is, you just have to do what we tell you.

KITCHEN ...NOW, TINK!!!!