Subject: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:19 am
TH-TH-TH-TH-THREAD TRANSPLANT!!!!!!
1) Des'ree - Life I don't want to see a ghost / It's the sight that I fear most / I'd rather have a piece of toast / Watch the evening news. This doesn't even have an air of rushed homework to it - it sounds like it's being made up on the spot. Like I don't wanna get gout / It's the thing I can do without / I'd rather have a bit of trout / Watch the ten-minute freeview. I just made that up on an hour and a half's sleep, and it's nearly of the same standard. Des'ree would rather eat toast than be scared shitless by a class 5 full roaming vapour. I'd rather have a pot of yoghurt than be sexually assaulted by a Chippendale too, but I'm hardly gonna write a fucking song about it. Or maybe I will. Watch out for 'Munch Bunch Beefy Rape Blues', cumming soon.
2) Elvis Presley - Teddy Bear I've always fucking hated this song. Elvis sounds like such a pussy on it. For someone who was meant to be the most dangerous pile of raw sex at the time, he's singing lines like I don't wanna be a tiger / Cos tigers play too rough....I just wanna be your Teddy Bear. He might as well have sung I don't wanna fuck you senseless / Cos fucking's too much fun / I just wanna hug your picture / And put your hair in a bun. The lyrics sound like they've been written by someone with severe learning difficulties, and they're endlessly repeated by winking, middle-aged creeps on karaoke. These cunts have no intention of being fucking teddy bears. They've probably got chloroform in their pockets.
3) Aerosmith - Pink PIIIIINNNK IT'S LIKE RED BUT NOT QUI-ITE. For someone who looks like a MILF hiding a coathanger in her mouth, Steven Tyler has a lot of nerve leaving the house anyway. After actually writing that line, not scribbling it out and actually saying it in front of a bunch of people, then recording it and letting the whole WORLD hear it, you have to wonder whether he actually gives a fuck about anything anymore. He might as well have sung TUUURRRD, TURD-TURD-TURD-TURD-TURD-TU-UH-URD
4) I'm sick of this now. You do it for me.
BRYN_BORANGA Gozer ¬_¬
Number of posts : 4880 Age : 45 Points : 828
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:26 am
Is this thread what we need....or are we killing the seed?
Yes, Peter Andre may be Sarcasm Monthly's '#1 Most Difficult Person To Make Fun Of', but seriously, he shouldn't be allowed to get away with this. And check out the vocals - piss-weak throughout obv, but the improvisational flourish at around 1.41 is particularly excruciating. That's what I sound like when I'm taking a drunken dump in the shower.
BRYN_BORANGA Gozer ¬_¬
Number of posts : 4880 Age : 45 Points : 828
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:29 am
I can't believe I forgot the daddy of fuck-awful lyrics:
I'm having a manic Saturday. Just as well this is my I-don't-have-to-turd-day.
BRYN_BORANGA Gozer ¬_¬
Number of posts : 4880 Age : 45 Points : 828
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:39 am
Another from the disbanded group of intellectual heavyweights erstwhile known as Blue:
It's gonna be troublin' You and me bubblin'
Unless this song is about the sun crashing into the earth, or maybe a couple taking an erotic bath together after eating a big box of onion bhajis, it makes FUCK ALL SENSE.
P Funky Samurai
Number of posts : 1198 Age : 39 Points : -3
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:39 am
1. Blur "It really really really could happen.." 2. Kate nash "I use mouthwash, sometimes i floss..." 3. Tingtings "They call me stacy, thats not my name.. thats not my name" 4. Beatles "We all live in a yellow submarine.." 5. R Kelly "I believe I can fly.. I believe I can touch the sky.."
BRYN_BORANGA Gozer ¬_¬
Number of posts : 4880 Age : 45 Points : 828
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:44 am
Talking about R Kelly, I think his Gotham City song deserves a mention.
City of justice, city of love City of peace for every one of us
.....has he ever seen Batman? The place is in a state of perpetual fucking PANDEMONIUM.
P Funky Samurai
Number of posts : 1198 Age : 39 Points : -3
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:48 am
He's deluded. Didnt he do a song about trying to time travel, or am I confusing him for someone else?
BRYN_BORANGA Gozer ¬_¬
Number of posts : 4880 Age : 45 Points : 828
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:52 am
Nope, that was him. Something like If I could turn back the hands of time, I'd write this song before Cher did hers and probably be a bit more careful about who I fuck. How do I know so much about R Kelly?
P Funky Samurai
Number of posts : 1198 Age : 39 Points : -3
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:55 am
I don't know.
I almost forgot that ace of base one "LIfe is a flower...."
Fuckpencil Right Hand of Doom
Number of posts : 3220 Points : 1002
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Sun Aug 10, 2008 2:12 am
I nominate The Corrs, but you have to read their lyrics to I Never Really Loved You Anyway to see why.
Another that grates is the start of Never Ever. "A few questions that I need to know..." proceeded by a list of questions delivered in the manner of Vikki Pollard. You already have the questions, Shaznay. It's the answers you need to know.
Pinkwood Peon
Number of posts : 91 Age : 44 Points : 10
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:35 am
ANYthing by Scouting for Girls. I will genuinely give a cash reward to the first person who beats the whole band in their stupid fucking faces until they die.
Spectral Knight Well-endowed
Number of posts : 11084 Age : 38 Points : 3834
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:46 am
Spot on Pink. Fucking cunts of the highest orders. Walking abortions.
Pinkwood Peon
Number of posts : 91 Age : 44 Points : 10
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:04 am
Jesus Christ. I thought I was against the death penalty but they should bring it back for these arseholes. This offends every sensibilty I have:
I love the way she fills her clothes She looks just like them girls in Vogue I love the way she plays it cool I think that she is beautiful
[chorus:] She's so lovely She's so lovely She's so lovely She's so lovely She's so lovely She's so lovely She's so lovely
She's pretty, a fitty She's got a boyfriend though and that's a pity She's flirty, turned thirty Ain't that the age a girl gets really dirty?
I don't know I don't know I don't know How we'll make it through this I don't know I don't know I don't know
I love the way she bites her lip I love the way she shakes them hips I love the way she makes me drool I think that she is beautiful
[chorus]
A stunner, I wonder Was she this fit when she was 10 years younger? Come see me, discreetly She said she's got a trick or two to teach me
I don't know I don't know I don't know How we'll make it through this [x3]
I don't know I don't know I don't know
I think that you are lovely [x7] I think that you are beautiful
[chorus]
I don't know I don't know I don't know How we'll make it through this [x5]
I don't know I don't know I don't know
Spectral Knight Well-endowed
Number of posts : 11084 Age : 38 Points : 3834
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:42 am
That's almost as bad as the Kook's Shine On. Have you actually heard how awful that is?
I'd very much like to have never come in contact with it's hideousness, but Xfm seem to pimp these two bags o'shite out like nothing. Unbelievably gash, the pair of 'em.
Pinkwood Peon
Number of posts : 91 Age : 44 Points : 10
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:38 am
I really does bugger belief with massive horse sized penis that these cretins are allowed to release this shite. I would LOVE to meet the person who first heard a SFG effort and encouraged them to release a whole album. Did I say 'meet'? I meant 'beat'. To death.
Pinkwood Peon
Number of posts : 91 Age : 44 Points : 10
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:36 am
Nickleback, Photograph. Spoilt for choice with this song but here are my personal favourites:
Look at this photograph Everytime I do it makes me laugh How did our eyes get so red And what the hell is on Joey's head
Kim's the first girl I kissed I was so nervous that I nearly missed She's had a couple of kids since then I haven't seen her since god knows when
BRYN_BORANGA Gozer ¬_¬
Number of posts : 4880 Age : 45 Points : 828
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:41 am
WOAH, MAN!!! DON'T DISS THE 'BACK, DUDE!!! THEY'RE GOOD, SOLID, HONEST, WORKADAY, WACKADAY, MEAT AND POTATOES, CABBAGE, SCOTCH EGG ROCK / ROLL!!!
Pinkwood Peon
Number of posts : 91 Age : 44 Points : 10
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:55 am
I have personal experience of trying to 'work' with Chad - I'm not even shitting you. He is an A-hole of the highest order. And I spelt Nickelback wrong. Every verse of that song is a symphony of nonsensical shite:
I wonder if it's too late Should i go back and try to graduate Life's better now then it was back then If I was them I wouldn't let me in
Hector Consigliere
Number of posts : 1835 Points : 486
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:56 am
Pinkwood wrote:
wonder if it's too late Should i go back and try to graduate Life's better now then it was back then If I was them I wouldn't let me in
I laughed out loud.
BRYN_BORANGA Gozer ¬_¬
Number of posts : 4880 Age : 45 Points : 828
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:00 am
So did I.
BRYN_BORANGA Gozer ¬_¬
Number of posts : 4880 Age : 45 Points : 828
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:08 am
Oh yeah, and tell us about Chad, what he gets up to, what makes him tick sexcetera. He's so dreamy!
BRYN_BORANGA Gozer ¬_¬
Number of posts : 4880 Age : 45 Points : 828
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:16 am
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:21 am
But I was there when there was nobody home Please believe me when i say i dunno Gone for good infact but what does it mean Within a year they always sold and bought
WTF??!!!
Chad had a nose job and then proceeded to ensure all the profile shots of himself pre op were edited out of a TV show making it about half an hour too short and about a year late to air. What a wanker.
Pinkwood Peon
Number of posts : 91 Age : 44 Points : 10
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:22 am
"For 48 hours I don't think that we left my hotel room Should show you the sights Coz I'm sure that I said that I would We gotta make love just one last time in the shower
Well something's gotta go wrong Coz I'm feelin' way too damn good"
I feel soiled.
AceCombat A Very Good Troll
Number of posts : 8855 Age : 38 Points : 2053
Subject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:23 pm
fall out boy - "I am an arms dealer Fitting you with weapons in the form of words And don't really care which side wins As long as the room keeps singing That's just the business I'm in, yeah"
actually, they're entire existance is an embarassment, and the fact that a band like them is succesful is shameful.