Joke Thread

What is short and fat with a huge black cunt? Dawn French.

Went to a brothel last night and asked how much it would cost for total humiliation.
£37.50 answered the madam.
What do I get for £37.50 ?

Man. Utd shirt came the reply.

The Togo team bus was shot over 200 times and only 3 bullets hit the target! Local police are now looking to question their number one suspect......Emile Heskey

Rafael Benitez has compared Liverpool's current status to that of Haiti's. A crumbling shithole full of lifeless bodies where the only hope is money from the USA.

Rhys Jones' killer Sean Mercer has been signed by Liverpool. A spokesman said "He's the only scouser we could find that can get his shots on target"

I hated paying £1.50 a minute on the phone to wank over sex stories.So I got a job at ChildLine.

Just £3 buys food and bottled water for a family of 8 in Haiti.But on a serious note, Tesco are doing 4 cans of Stella for £2.99

The news report that Gary Glitter has slept with an 85 year old have been confirmed as false, it was actually a Haiti 5 year old.

What does the average Pakistani weigh?...sweets!

Oh dear.

I lol'd...and so did several others.

You can say a lot of bad things about peadophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

The Winter Olympics: letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.

Katie Price & Alex Reid have reportedly split, whilst making sunday dinner Katie asked Alex to turn on the vegetables.She was appalled to see him giving her son Harvey a wank.

Me and my mate saw a fat bird in the pub the other night. I said "Excuse me love, me and my mate wanna give you one".She said "How dare you, I wouldn't go anywhere near you".I said "I wouldnt go near you either, we was giving you a mark out of 10 ya fat cunt".

I walked past the grave of a kid who died from a mephedrone (meow meow) overdose the other day. I couldn't help but refelect on what a pointless waste of a young life it was. On the plus side, the flowers his family had planted were coming on a treat.

There once was a young girl called Maddie.She had such an irresponsible daddy.Snatched from her bed,she's probably dead.Raped by a Portuguese baddy.

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and the Icelandic volcano? Madeleine only ruined one holiday.

Three dead prostitutes in West Yorkshire, police have found a poem which reads:

I come from Bradford,
I've got a big knife,
Ive killed three prozzies,
...I'll kill your wife.

Police believe he could be the Yorkshire Rapper.

Derrick Bird has been called up to the England squad by Fabio Capello.
He has had more shots on target in one day that Emile Heskey has all
season.

Well that comes as a huge surprise.

TAXI FOR OLLIE

Tory government job losses are coming. 3 Prostitutes in Bradford have been axed and now 12 Cumbrians get the bullet.

The England football team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa this morning, "It's so good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible" said Jamal Umbongo aged 6.

Why are there so many Chinese people in Harrow?

Because when they get off the plane and into a taxi they say, 'HARROW!!'.